just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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