My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
