you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
