Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He did a backflip because drugs
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
