I cockslap morals
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
