I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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