I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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