So drunk its hurt
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I didn't notice because vodka
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
