you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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