love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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