I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
