Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
