don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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