well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
