Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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