Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
