The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
