I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
