I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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