chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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