I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
In America we eat man semen.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
