Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up under a house in Key West
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