I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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