i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
