The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
