matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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