So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
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Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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