How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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