I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
