Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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