My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
