you mean i was at the winter classic?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
