Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
someone owes me an orgasm
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
