Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
