yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
