Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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