I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
