Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
