I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
