A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
