they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.