I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...