Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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