lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
time to smoke my breakfast
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?