How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...