Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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