uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
are you so shy because you have an std?
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You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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