the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
