Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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