Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
