if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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