Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
high people should be assigned attendants
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
