toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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