Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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