Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
