If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
