I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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