Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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