How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
