chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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