i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i dont even know how to be here
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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