I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
