The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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