Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
