He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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