it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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