By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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