If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
