My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
