You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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