I wish I only lived at night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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