dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
