The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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