I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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